My spouse says all the right things - I say all the wrong things (or inappropriate things). I don't agree with people when I think they are wrong. For instance, insurance. If we are with other people my spouse is always in favor of being insured for everything you could think of. For someone (like me) to question the value of insurance is shocking. So everyone piles on with worse and worse stories of what can befall an individual and I make more and more provocative comments until silence ensues and we distract to another subject. But, in private, she is a different story as I point out the cost of insurance balanced by the risk. And when it comes to money she is torn by her fear of risk and her aversion to spending. So why can't she admit that I might be right? Is she afraid "to tempt fate?" Is there such a thing as fate?
But this is the way it goes. If I say we don't need snow tires she'll say "I think we should have them" even though our roads are thoroughly plowed and salted. Better safe than sorry. It's like a dialectic we have (yes and no) like a piece of music with fast and slow movements. Maybe we feel sub-consciously that that is what makes us entertaining (sort of like Alice and Ralph Kramden ((for those old enough to remember)) ). And couples that agree with each other are kind of monotonous, aren't they? You have to guess who is trying to gain points with the other.
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Two ways of looking at everything.
2 comments:
Sometimes, contradictory behavior is great for a relationship. For example, if Josh is really stressed out something, I try to be relaxed to provide a different perspective. My mom is a little too focused on cleaning, so I focus on something else. I'm sure you're the "boss" in some areas of the relationship (like house repairs, investments, etc.). I'm responsible for the kids and Josh is responsible for managing our short and long term finances as well as vacation. It's so stereotypical but it works. :)
JS says: Also, in the context of buying things, or wanting things that may be a little superflous, but that you spontaneously say you want, it's often nice to have someone nix the purchase: it often saves you from regrets later for spending the money, and takes the blame off of yourself for not "living" ... you can blame someone else! It's great! Because if you REALLY want something, of course you'll get it (You just better be happy with it, or else you'll really be sorry)!
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