Live and let live...

All of a sudden my life has changed: we (my wife and I) have gone to New York to stay with my (S)son and DIL (daughter-in-law) for four days. I've gone from snow and ice and being afraid to walk down my driveway to a temperate clime with not a trace of snow. My S and DIL are a lot of fun for me to be with because they live more or less detached - the same way I do. By that I mean they don't fall into the conventional roles of husband/wife, mother/child or earner/spender or any other kind of stereotype: instead they are able to operate in a freestyle mode which allows for all possibilities and is quite relaxing. For instance, if you don't like something you can just say it and no one is going to feel hurt because no one takes things that seriously. My S made a dinner of spaghetti and beef meatballs even though he knows I don't eat beef. A few minutes later my DIL came down from putting the kids to bed and asked:
"Did you like the meal?" in a quiet voice . My S was watching a rerun of "The Simpsons" in another part of the room while consuming his food by himself which is, he told me, the way rget all like to eat. Are you getting the picture?
So in response to mny DIL's question about the meal I shook my head no. This would have caused consternation in a more conventional situation but here she just smiled at my bluntness as my spouse (SP) looked on.
"I didn't like those meatballs either," she said. "I don't like beef but between my mother and my SP I live in a meat-centric environment." That's how it goes: nobody is upset and no one makes a big deal out of it. Try that with some other people and see what happens. Later, my DIL says to me "Maybe the next time you should bring all your own food so you can have what you like," and I think to myself that is not a bad idea.
This idea of "no fault" extends to other areas too. For instance we are trying to develop plans for a seder here in a month. My SP is traditional and would probably like doing it in the traditional way of reading the Exodus story. My DIL feels there is too much violence in the traditional story and does not approve. Instead of coming to blows over this clash of feelings I'm sure it will be settled in favor of something we could all enjoy and still preserve the symbolic glory of the occasion. It's great.
One day my DIL, who is a world-class blogger, interviewed me, her SP and her younger sister (SI) who is dating about how soon you should start having sex with someone after dating. This segued into the Eliot Spitzer thing and then the David Paterson thing and we finally ended up talking about Indian toilets. (My SP was kind of dismayed and left the area.) You might ask why a thirty plus something mother of two would be interested in talking about these things but it actually stimulated all of us to participate in conversation relying on our own experiences for examples. We discussed whether boob-size meant much as sexual attractors and the opinions were mixed. (Then I heard my SP go downstairs.)
This is how it goes. Almost anything goes and my two grandchildren are cute as can be. It's like therapy all the time but I still can't sleep decently. But we all don't just accept the way things are supposed to be but rather think how we can maneuver around to make the day more endurable.
We talk about random things until late and it sure beats the ambience in some households where noone says anything. We end the evening by looking at photos and videos of their family vacation in Hawaii. One of the best is of my S's mother-in-law (MIL) and daughter in a rented van....one in the front seat, the other in a car seat...out cold from exhaustion. And that's the way it is...