Two reunions within the past week have nearly done me in. The first, in the Berkshires at my brother-in-law's home was a family reunion. I was miserable: the older generation (mine) was consigned to a finished, but damp, basement and we "slept" on a wooden pallet covered with a thin mattress that was called a "futon." The others were put in four upstairs bedrooms and one main floor bedroom. I was lonelier than ever. None of my reference points when I was a kid or how my life developed would have been of any interest to the younger generation. Only at one point, between the search for an activity that the two youngest generations could do together and the excessive evening wine drinking, did some area of commonality form: when my sister-in-law and I started humming show tunes from the past. (Her voice sounded high and quavery like an elderly female churchgoer singing a hymn.) I left after about 40 hours feeling very stressed.
We stopped to see some old friends who had moved to the southwestern part of the state seven years ago to be closer to their children who live in NYC. They have become very "new-agey" with "maze/meditation" paths cut around their property and lush produce planting beds. It was quite attractive - especially their gazebo screenhouse built by Amish still, I couldn't wait to return home which we did after a couple of hours.
A day after getting home my wife's brother arrived to attend his/my 50th high school reunion. I didn't want to attend the dinner/dance the first night but I did agree to go to a "picnic" the next day at a nearby American Legion post. There were only about 30 very old looking people there many of whom I had no idea who they were. There were two types: old and fat or old and sickly thin. (I guess I would fall into the old and sickly thin category except for some odd reason my hair is still mostly the same color as in h.s.) Some people sat around and drank beer and my brother-in-law pretended it was great to see people he would have had nothing to do with in h.s. and who would have had nothing to do with him. Couldn't wait to go...
I haven't been exercising regularly after these events and feel diminished. Maybe, in the end, it's just better to follow your intuition, accept the sadness and loneliness, and stay home.

It's the little things...

The two high points of my weekend "reunion" in the Berkshires: 1) Being an offered a perfectly ripe peach slice by my daughter-in-law in the midst of chaos and as she was offering the same to her own kids, and 2) Having my lovely spouse say to me on our final tiring leg home as she turned to me with a smile "Can you just taste the coffee!?" That made it all worthwhile.

What it's worth...

In an environment where we are shocked by revelations of torture on a daily basis I thought it would be worthwhile to muse on behavior control methods closer to home: my grandson has been staying with us for the past two weeks and I have to say that the effectiveness of bribery in behavior control should not be underestimated. I don't mean "if you don't eat that vegetable you can't look up Pokemon cards on the computer" kind of threat/reward, I mean out and out bribery by being nice! This includes sugar cones with three different flavors of ice cream AND sprinkles, never being forced to bathe and never demanding that specific bedtime hour be observed. This overwhelming "niceness" pays off. My grandson has limited his sassy responses and slams his bedroom door only in the throes of exasperation or pain. And he has never missed a swimming lesson.
So why can't our "interrogators" at Gitmo have the imagination to use this counter-intuitive method of obtaining information from terror suspects? They might find that it works better than torture and also makes them feel better about themselves. So the next time they're thinking about waterboarding someone why don't they bring him a nice Mai Tai in the middle of the afternoon with some chips and guacamole? Sometimes the easiest way is the best!

The shining path

"The world's in a mess...there is no happiness! "- or so the song goes from George Gershwin's musical "Crazy for You." What is that elusive quality that we all strive for even though it almost always remains hidden under the outer layers of daily living? Let me venture an answer: what we want is confirmation that the way we live and think is the BEST way. In a world where we no longer automatically accept the guideposts given to us by education, religion and family for a signal we long for a signal, if not divine then at least psychic, that the how we live and what we think is the RIGHT PATH. The problem is that we cannot see this path - but we can sense it from our experiences.
For instance, I'm worried about an upcoming "family reunion" in the Berkshires. Will I be able to sleep? Or breathe? Will I have to use the bathroom 8-9 times a night? Will it be miserable? Then I think that many of the things in life I've dreaded at first turn out to be great in the end. For example when I met my son's future wife at first glance I didn't think she had much of a chance of winning the Miss World competition. But it turned out she had a sparkling sense of humor, an amazing vocabulary and (later) a fab blog! And this is how I use "guideposts" to go into the future without too much anxiety. I fret about the reunion but it will probably work out just fine. The same goes with my financial investments: the greater the worry the better the reward! I fear death - but if I use my"guidepost" strategy, I need not.
This morning I discussed a simple environmental plan to conserve energy with my son: why don't we all move to a warmer climate (like Costa Rica or even southern Florida) in the cold months and then move back north in the warmer months. We would have small places, of course, that would be easy to maintain and we would walk to most places. That in itself would solve most of the "energy" problems. But who's going to do it? Practically no one because what about jobs and schools? But retired people like me could do it. Or we could just live in smaller places that could collect solar or geothermal energy and have neighborhood "cafeterias" where we could go to eat. I know it sounds laughable. But don't forget human nature is the only thing standing in our way to solve our problems. And I don't believe in coercing anyone to do anything except people who break the law.
Hope my readers find this a little thought provoking. Remember, patterns repeat. Have an intellectually satisfying day. Listen to some of Gershwin's music!